meh

i have so much guilt built up. happens every fucking year and i hate it. and i have no clue how to stop it or make it go away.

i *should* have stuff handmade for my sister and her family (her husband and their 2 kids...so that's 4 total...not to mention my sisters birthday is in december as well, so tack on a giftie for that)....my brother and his family (his wife and 2 kids as well)....up to 9 so far. my mum (10)...my kiddo (11,12,13,14,15-20..come on she's my babygirl pffft) and 2 swap packages. i've lost count now. and that's just family, not including all the gifties i'd like to make for my peeps on rav and whatnot. i'm hanging my head in shame right now. much to my chagrin i am rapidly coming to the realization that i am losing my "super-hero" powers. i used to be able to make it through the holidays, no mas =(

we've switched to hand making gifties opposed to buying everything because lets face it, christmas has become way too commercialized, lost most of its purity....but on the other hand, the pressure, the guilt, the lack of time that is involved with hand making is intense.

it's december 14th. there are 10 days left until christmas. i'm screwed.

the world is full of...

delusional folks.

sad mainly...funny slightly.

stupid completely.

~*~ words to live by ~*~

my friend June let me borrow this picture this morning and i do believe i am going to make it my new daily mantra. thank you June <3

um, yeah

things that have bugged me today~ dishes, laundry, the smell of neighbors dog shit heating up in the sun, flies from the previously mentioned dog shit, smoking, wanting to take a nap but unable to sleep (BOOOOO HISSSSSS!), upstairs neighbors TV being turned up so loud we will be in the market for hearing aids soon, how the fuck did i get 22 sts on only 1 side of my last hexi?!?!?! cats that don't like to drop their deuces in their very own catbox (yes, Spity, i am referring to YOU), the fact that i had to take a quarter.

things that made me happy today~ shooting more goodies for the etsy store. shooting hexis. taking a very nice long walk with only my camera to keep me company. the pictures i got from the very nice long walk.

still raw but they make me very happy =)

day 4~ favorite color(s)

like i could ever choose just ONE color?

pffffft.

never happen.

just a tad delayed ;)

the grand opening of our etsy shop, BitZ'enBaubles  , was on Monday September 1st!! we have already sold 2 sets hehehe!

i have been making more sets and can't wait to list them =)

so many exciting things to come, so i'll keep you posted =) =) =) =)

~photo challenge day 3~ clouds

no clouds in the sky to save my life today so here are my tributes to coffee creamer clouds and my last day of smoking <3

mum & i are going to attempt quitting smoking tomorrow, tonight being our last night. 

we have the nicotine patches.

we have the desire.

we have the need and want.

we have the determination.

we will succeed!

~photo challenge day 2~ what i wore

forgot to post this here last night, although i did post it in rav lol

~30 day photo challenge~

one of the lovely owlies in TOKland, nightchaed, posted tonight about a 30 day photo challenge and i'm all over it hehe =) here is the list...

also, here is my photo for day 1~

this makes me smile all big and cheesy like =)

a package of sweetness

full moon

the light of the moon doesn't look natural, it looks electrical. like a million florescent bulbs.

it's been a day

so i finally got off my ass and uploaded my first pattern onto rav this morning...i'm published, yay! but damn, it's so not an easy process, at least not the first time that is.

i finished Blossom today...well she has been finished for a day or two, but i put on her flowers & beads. she's adorable, i love her =) i also get to cross her off my 11 owl patterns in '11 list. (which reminds me i need to put those lists in here someday)

i started Sourpatch this evening...i fucking hate seed stitch in this quantity! the pattern doesn't match up with the kfb's so i put it down for the night, will frog it in the morning and try it again. i'm tempted to make the seed stitch part just garter, maybe that will make it easier for me. jesus, babygirls' birthday is so close. 8 years old. it's all a blur.

i'm gonna go smoke, maybe put on a movie and pass out. hopefully i don't go to sleep feeling as grumpy as i do right now. going to sleep in a shitty mood usually means waking up with a headache that lasts all fucking day.

think good thoughts Heather.

the last few days, 2 things have really bothered me.

as babygirl and i were walking to park pantry to pick up dinner last night, i saw this guy do a drug deal in the park. on our way back home, the same guy was shooting up in the park. i've seen *ALL* kinds of shit being done in that park over the years, but this really fucking bothered me. because i had babygirl with me? because i had truly thought that type of shit didn't happen there anymore?

and this afternoon...i was happily knitting away on my magic treeptop bag, being covered in mohair sheddings, and snap! my fucking circ broke! not only did it break, but when it did, a LOT of stitches got screwed up. so tomorrow i have to get new circs *AND* start over....i better like this bag lol.

so yeah, those are the funkies.

i do believe we are getting a Wii tomorrow along with the Mario 25th Anniversary game, old skool Mario 1-3 hehehehehehehehe.

the auctions have been going pretty good once they get up.

oh my sweet mary jane, i'm so glad you are back in my life, how i've missed you =)

ache

i have this pain in my heart, or is it an ache, i don't know. i don't know why it's there. i don't know how to get rid of it. i don't know much of anything lately.

yep, that about sums up how i feel

whirlwind

monday~ just out of curiosity's sake call old property management company to see if there were any vacancies. there is. make appointment for wednesday (01.12.11) to see said vacancy. not 10 minutes after making appointment, they show up to post the notice that the bank now owns the unit. holy crap.

tuesday~ talk, talk and talk.....yeah we pretty much moved into the apartment in our heads lol....oh this would look good there....omg, the WINDOWS! (we currently have ONE FUCKING WINDOW....no air, no light, nothing, it's a cave)....is this really happening this quick? holy crap!

wednesday~ i wake up with a horrible headache, but fortunately it goes away quickly with motrin and coffee. mum wakes up with a horrible headache and ends up yakking multiple times.....hmmmm, morning isn't starting off very well. aunt flo comes for a visit, early mind you. now the morning simply sucks. mum gets a neck and hand massage, feels better. get in the car and drive to LB. see the apt., go talk to receptionist, call cash for keys lady, get approved for $2,300 to be gone by the 29th, hot damn. talk to the receptionist some more, she talks to big wig, he doesn't even hesitate, of course they can move in.....put deposit down, go to LYS, get celebratory Malabrigo, come home. we're moving next week HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!

now i must go pass out =) =) =)

ETA: did i mention it's only 2 blocks from the beach?!?!?!?!?!

boxes!!!

we need boxes, lots of boxes! why? because today was the best day EVER! the day we have been waiting for since July or August of last year finally happened. they came to put the notice on our door saying the bank owns this unit now =) =) =) =) =) most people might be really pissed that this happened to them, but not us! this means that we no longer have to pay rent to the former douchebag owner AND the bank will give us "cash for keys" to help us relocate.

i knew this month was different, that gut instinct to not pay rent right away...and it paid off. it makes me shudder to think that if we had paid rent that Tom wouldn't have said anything to us like "oh yeah hey, here's your rent back because the foreclosure on the unit is being finalized", he wouldn't have given it back, he would have just taken it like the greedy bastard that he is.

the day started off pretty well....mum decided that the blond was washing out her color too much so we went and got some beautiful red hair dye, came home and hooked her up. i've always wanted to see her with red hair and well i'll be damned if it doesn't look spectacular on her =)

then it just kept getting better. mum called Lavington, the people who manage the apartments that we moved out of to move here (oh how i wish we had never moved here)....they have a 1 bedroom available in the same building we moved out of! we set up an appointment to look at it this wednesday. mum is pretty confident that it's a "sure thing"....me being the ever pessimistic person that i am, have my reservations, but that's prolly just me not wanting to jinx it =)

not 10 minutes after we got off the phone to set up the appointment they came to post the notice. it was the icing on the cake, put everything into perspective, made everything feel right.

we're going home!

Palm Springs Bucket List

1~ Salton Sea  ~ Sunday January 9th, 2011
2~ Joshua Tree while it's snowing
3~ Arial Tram
4~ Walk downtown with my camera

short, sweet & to the point =)

1x1 ribbing

i am actually really enjoying the 1x1 ribbing for the brim of my cable beret....could be that it's on circs instead of dpns (kinda bored of them today) or it could be that it's Malabrigo.....yeah, that's prolly why =) yummiest yarn ever. single ply (love ALL single ply), soft, gorgeous colors *sigh* yarny heaven =)

i need one of these....

adorable little tape measure, every crafter needs one! i don't care what the cover is, although the snail is rather  precious hehe.

anyway, today has been a pretty good day. babygirl woke up in a good mood, no fits before school which is a blessing. it prolly has a LOT to do with the fact that we aren't taking MNS to school any more, that kid i tell you, has issues, but then again with a mother like his, who wouldn't? that's a rant for another day though. 

i've come to realize that my reigns on kiddo are a tad too tight and that is no bueno. she's at the age where she doesn't want to be alone yet wants her independence, wants to be a BIG GIRL. like she needs to grow up any faster? sheesh. so, i'm lightening up some, letting her take her showers after school all by her self, not nagging her as much, not saying no all the time, so far so good. i hugged/talked her out of what looked like could be a very nasty fit before bed tonight. she went to bed happy and with a smile on her face, that's always a damn good thing, needs to happen every night =) it's a win-win deal too, she goes to bed happy and so do mum & i =) =) =) being a mom is a never ending learning experience, trial and error, ups and downs, but never a dull moment.

so the Winter swap is up and running...everyone has their partners and addresses, good stuff. i'm pretty geeked about sending my package, i hope she loves it =) 

i miss my 3 kitties so much =( 

i want to go home =( i finally admitted (out loud that is) to mum the other day that i would have rather stayed in the place Poppa died then ever move here. i loath this place. this place sucks the life/energy/happiness out of me. i need the ocean again. I need to work on my PS Bucket List.

tomorrow is going to be filled with lots of little things that need to get done, should fill the time babygirl is at school with no problem:

~ bleach mums hair

~ dye my hair

~ make my light box

~ laundry

~ some light cleaning

~ paint finger & toe nails

....prolly won't have much time to knit (or crochet) but that's cool, i should have nothing but free time once kiddo gets home and her homework is done =)

back to my 1x1 ribbing before bed <3